What's the worst thing you're likely to find in the school canteen ?
The food !
The food in our school canteen is perfect.
If your a bug !
"What's the matter with your dinner ?"
"Can you describe it for me please in case I need to tell my doctor later what I've eaten !"
Is that school food spicy ?
No, smoke always comes out of my ears !
What did the computer do at lunchtime ?
Had a byte !
Little Monster: I hate my teacher.
Mother Monster: Well just eat your salad up then dear!
Mother: Why did you just swallow the money I gave you ?
Son: Well you did say it was my lunch money !
What's a mushroom ?
The place they store the school food !
Teacher: When do astronauts eat ?
Pupil: At launch time !
Teacher: Why are you the only one in class today ?
Pupil: Because I missed school dinner yesterday !
I failed every subject except for algebra.
How did you keep from failing that ?
I didn't take algebra !
Teacher: Are you good at math ?
Pupil: Yes and no
Teacher: What do you mean ?
Pupil: Yes, I'm no good at math !
Dad, can you help me find the lowest common denominator in this problem please ?
Don't tell me that they haven't found it yet, I remember looking for it when I was a boy !
Teacher: Did you parents help you with these homework problems ?
Pupil: No I got them all wrong by myself !
Teacher, I can't solve this problem.
Any five year old should be able to solve this one.
No wonder I can't do it then, I'm nearly ten !
Teacher: What's 2 and 2
Pupil: 4
Teacher: That's good
Pupil: Good ?, that's perfect !
Teacher: If 1+1=2 and 2+2=4, what is 4+4 ?
Pupil: That's not fair you answer the easy ones and leave us with the hard one !
Teacher: How much is half of 8
Pupil: Up and down or across ?
Teacher: What do you mean ?
Pupil: Well,up and down makes a 3 or across the middle leaves a 0
"Our teacher has a bad memory. For three days she asked us how much is two and two. We told her it was four. But she still doesn't know. Today she asked us again!"
Teacher: If I gave you three rabbits today and five rabbits tomorrow, how many rabbits would you have?
John: Nine.
Teacher: That's not right, you'd have eight.
John: No, Teacher, I'd have nine. I already have one rabbit at home!
Teacher: I said to draw a cow eating some grass but you've only drawn the cow ?
Pupil: Yes, the cow ate all the grass !
Teacher: Can anyone give me the name of a liquid that won't freeze ?
Pupil: Hot water !
Teacher: Does anyone know which month has 28 days ?
Pupil: All of them !
Why was the head teacher worried ?
Because there were so many rulers in the school !
Teacher: I told you to stand at the end of the line ?
Pupil: I tried, but there was someone already there !
Teacher: What's the longest word in the English language ?
Pupil: Smiles - because there is a mile between the first and last letters !
Teacher: What are you reading ?
Pupil: I don't know
Teacher: But your reading aloud ?
Pupil: But I'm not listening !
Teacher: Can you tell me something important that didn't exist 100 years ago ?
Pupil: Me !
Do you turn on your computer with your left hand or your right hand?"
" My right hand."
" Amazing!Most people have to use the on/off switch."
Customer: I cleaned my computer and now it doesn't work any more.
Repairman: What did you clean it with?
Customer: Soap and water.
Teacher: Shall I put the school computer on?
Pupil: No, Miss, the dress you're wearing looks fine.
The food !
The food in our school canteen is perfect.
If your a bug !
"What's the matter with your dinner ?"
"Can you describe it for me please in case I need to tell my doctor later what I've eaten !"
Is that school food spicy ?
No, smoke always comes out of my ears !
What did the computer do at lunchtime ?
Had a byte !
Little Monster: I hate my teacher.
Mother Monster: Well just eat your salad up then dear!
Mother: Why did you just swallow the money I gave you ?
Son: Well you did say it was my lunch money !
What's a mushroom ?
The place they store the school food !
Teacher: When do astronauts eat ?
Pupil: At launch time !
Teacher: Why are you the only one in class today ?
Pupil: Because I missed school dinner yesterday !
I failed every subject except for algebra.
How did you keep from failing that ?
I didn't take algebra !
Teacher: Are you good at math ?
Pupil: Yes and no
Teacher: What do you mean ?
Pupil: Yes, I'm no good at math !
Dad, can you help me find the lowest common denominator in this problem please ?
Don't tell me that they haven't found it yet, I remember looking for it when I was a boy !
Teacher: Did you parents help you with these homework problems ?
Pupil: No I got them all wrong by myself !
Teacher, I can't solve this problem.
Any five year old should be able to solve this one.
No wonder I can't do it then, I'm nearly ten !
Teacher: What's 2 and 2
Pupil: 4
Teacher: That's good
Pupil: Good ?, that's perfect !
Teacher: If 1+1=2 and 2+2=4, what is 4+4 ?
Pupil: That's not fair you answer the easy ones and leave us with the hard one !
Teacher: How much is half of 8
Pupil: Up and down or across ?
Teacher: What do you mean ?
Pupil: Well,up and down makes a 3 or across the middle leaves a 0
"Our teacher has a bad memory. For three days she asked us how much is two and two. We told her it was four. But she still doesn't know. Today she asked us again!"
Teacher: If I gave you three rabbits today and five rabbits tomorrow, how many rabbits would you have?
John: Nine.
Teacher: That's not right, you'd have eight.
John: No, Teacher, I'd have nine. I already have one rabbit at home!
Teacher: I said to draw a cow eating some grass but you've only drawn the cow ?
Pupil: Yes, the cow ate all the grass !
Teacher: Can anyone give me the name of a liquid that won't freeze ?
Pupil: Hot water !
Teacher: Does anyone know which month has 28 days ?
Pupil: All of them !
Why was the head teacher worried ?
Because there were so many rulers in the school !
Teacher: I told you to stand at the end of the line ?
Pupil: I tried, but there was someone already there !
Teacher: What's the longest word in the English language ?
Pupil: Smiles - because there is a mile between the first and last letters !
Teacher: What are you reading ?
Pupil: I don't know
Teacher: But your reading aloud ?
Pupil: But I'm not listening !
Teacher: Can you tell me something important that didn't exist 100 years ago ?
Pupil: Me !
Do you turn on your computer with your left hand or your right hand?"
" My right hand."
" Amazing!Most people have to use the on/off switch."
Customer: I cleaned my computer and now it doesn't work any more.
Repairman: What did you clean it with?
Customer: Soap and water.
Teacher: Shall I put the school computer on?
Pupil: No, Miss, the dress you're wearing looks fine.